Tough Times

Hey. Thought I'd get some stuff off my chest tonight. These last couple months have been pretty emotionally draining and stressful. Watching my Grandfather's declining health this year has been sad in itself. Hospice care was a new experience and involved so many layers of emotion! Sadness, helplessness, concern for my parents, fear, confusion, relief, guilt (because of the relief)...
Now, with him gone, there is this void in our family. He was always there. Even if just in the background. He attended the kids' birthday parties. If we made the mistake of calling my Dad "Grandpa", the kids would correct us and say, "You mean Papa. GRANDPA is Grandpa." It was extremely difficult to tell Jaedon that Grandpa was no longer with us. He looked at us with confusion and just broke down into sobs. I could barely keep it together. We let him know that Grandpa is at peace now and in Heaven. He took comfort in learning that Grandpa no longer needs a cane to walk. That God fixed him when he brought him to Heaven.
A month and a half later, and still mourning the death of my Grandfather, my family is at a crossroads with my Dad's business. To shut it down completely, or try to save a small version of it. Things are uncertain and stressful. Tough decisions are being made, including weather or not to pack up everything and move to Alabama, where my Mom's family live, and start fresh. And since my sister and brother-in-law both work for my Dad, they are making the tough decisions too (including the move to Alabama). I find myself feeling worried, helpless, and distant... like I'm on the outside looking in. Even some guilt in there maybe? ...That we're still doing okay? Even Wildstorm, our old stomping grounds and where we met, is shutting down. It's like the economic wave is hitting everyone around me in full force. It makes me appreciate Mat's over ambitiousness more. It can be tough sometimes, that he works so much. But thank God for his work ethic in times like these! I am filled with so much concern for my family and friends that it has been a real distraction. And if I'm being completely honest... concern about the happy bubble I live in, bursting. I've never lived away from my family. I know everyone does it all the time. I would manage, but things would never be the same and that's a scary thought. I can't say... "DON'T MOVE AWAY!!!!" because I want what's best for them. And if moving to Alabama makes my Mom happy and gives everyone a better quality of life, then I will make peace with it. Plus... what if WE have to make a move someday. Nothing is certain. I wouldn't want them to stay just for me and then WE end up moving!

Also... the other day, my sister had to go to the ER in the middle of the night because of severe abdominal pains that were so bad she passed out! The doctor did an ultrasound which didn't show any cysts, but they couldn't tell her what was causing the pain. Makes me wonder if it's a result of all the stress she is under right now.

I have coloring work in right now and I've been so in my head lately that I just feel unmotivated and distracted. Maybe this emotional confession will clear my head a bit and allow me to concentrate.
Exhale.